American Peach

ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER

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I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Andre Peach. I'm 19 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little peachy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep peach cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a peach almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an peach-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

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There is an idea of an Andre Peach, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can peel my skin and bite into my juicy flesh and maybe you can even sense that I am comparable to other peaches: I simply am not there.

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Name any peach accessory, and it is likely that I already have it. I own peach peeler by Louis Vetton, which matches my peach apron by Hugo Boss. My peach blender by Polo Ralph Lauren sits next to my peach viewer by Sony. I have a peach tree by Armani, and a new peach themed Nokia that hasn't come out on the market yet. My favourite possession is my 180g vinyl of Peaches' second album, Fatherfucker. Before that, I didn't really understand any of her work. Too artsy, too intellectual. I think Shake Yer Dix is her undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding album. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. This is Fuck the Pain Away, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

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THIS IS NOT AN EXIT